These are unprecedented times and circumstances, forcing many of us to adapt to new ways of living and working without much time to plan, prepare, or pause for a breath. And for those now working with kids at home, this transition has been an even greater challenge.
“While I certainly understand the necessity of telework and virtual learning in our current climate, it does pose difficulties for many, including working parents,” said Jenna McGwin, Associate Director for Operations and Initiatives in the CHSS dean’s office.
“Adapting” has become a buzzword as we all try to find new routines, new schedules, new definitions of normal in a time that is decidedly abnormal. For many with children, the question isn’t “how can we adapt,” but instead “how can we survive?”
Rethinking How We Work
For McGwin, and others with young children, a traditional work day of eight consecutive hours is no longer possible.
“I wake up early to get work done before [my daughter] gets up, work on tasks throughout the day as much as she allows, work during her nap, and again after she goes to bed,” she said. Her daughter, almost two years old, has been a delightful presence at many meetings (for those of us on the other end of the call), but working from home poses particular challenges for McGwin in terms of focus and productivity. “She makes it pretty clear that she doesn’t like when my attention is focused on other things. She can do independent play for a bit of time, but it doesn’t always line up with when I want her to do it!”
Letting Our Normal Schedules Go
Stephanie Liberatore, Associate Professor of Composition and Creative Nonfiction, has faced similar hurdles. “The most challenging thing is just that there aren’t enough hours in the day. In some sense, I’m lucky that my kids are young—and they still take naps, which is the only thing getting us through this tough time—but it’s also more challenging in that they need constant attention.” Liberatore and her husband alternate work days, and try to find time to work during nap time and after their kids go to bed.
Keith Renshaw, Department Chair and Professor of Psychology, faces different challenges with his children, ages eleven and eight. “Probably the biggest problem is when they start arguing while both my wife and I are in meetings,” he said. “My wife and I have tried to 'sync' our schedules so that one of us is available for ‘crises’.”
Parents, of course, enjoy spending time with their children, and being able to spend more time with them is one of the positive outcomes of staying at home. However, accommodating full-time parenting and full-time work during a pandemic is undeniably difficult. Work and home can no longer be segmented and separated like they once were to fit on two sides of the scale; there’s no balance if everything is on the same plate. “It’s exhausting! It feels like I never get a break,” McGwin noted.
“I’m really trying to be there for [my students], and for my own family, while doing the hard work of teaching, grading, and planning. It’s a lot,” Liberatore said. “There really are no ‘weekends’ for us or a lot of down time, which is so crucial when you’re a working parent. We’re doing okay for now, but I’m not sure how long this will really be sustainable.”
Searching for Sustainable Solutions
That is a looming question: how long can we do this? Virginia is under a stay-at-home order until June 15, but Governor Ralph Northam may extend the order beyond that. The timeline isn’t clear as to when daycare centers, schools, summer camps, and Mason’s campus may reopen. If staff and faculty return to on-site work, but childcare centers remain closed, these challenges will persist.
But parents are finding solutions. Daily schedules, for example, have helped keep Renshaw’s kids focused and attentive during designated learning times. Liberatore and her four-year-old try to find something new during each outdoor walk. McGwin teaches her daughter counting as they climb up and down the stairs for exercise. Online resources have been helpful as well—educational Netflix shows, online e-reading and coloring with grandparents through the Caribu app, Kahn Academy, crafts from Pinterest, and even independent research on self-selected topics.
Being Honest
And sometimes, the best anyone can do is to own the challenge with transparency. Before COVID-19, Renshaw explained, he had always been up front about needing to balance his work with his family, sometimes requiring work adjustments. Now, he’s making efforts to normalize the presence of his kids in his at-home workspace, as well as recognizing the need to pause work activity for conversations, mediations, and general parenting necessities. “I think giving yourself permission to have problems is key,” he said. “Sometimes I intentionally avoid muting my side conversations with the kids, to help normalize interruptions and let them know that it’s completely fine if they get interrupted by things, too...everyone out there is struggling with a crazy scenario now – letting people see your struggle helps to normalize it.”
“I think the best advice for us right now is just to be kind to ourselves,” Liberatore said. “Working full-time with kids at home is tough. It’s sort of impossible, really. But we’re doing it. We may not be doing it perfectly, but we’re getting by. And right now, that has to be enough.”
May 08, 2020
